Making A Difference - One Adventure At A Time

"The biggest fear you have when you lose a child is that they will be forgotten".  This sentence has run around and around in my head a million times since I heard it.

Last night I attended a reception to officially open the Global Symposium on Childhood Brain Tumours and these were the words spoken by a mother who lost her beautiful baby boy to cancer exactly two years ago.  

It was a thought that I'd never even considered.  I'd never had to face the prospect of losing a child and so my fears had never progressed beyond that, beyond the fear of an actual loss itself.  The fear onto what now..? But for far too many families and for various different reasons, this is their reality.  

I stood there in the crowd, tears streaming down my cheeks as I watched the incredible strength of both parents remember their baby boy and describe their vision for his legacy.  On a day that must have been filled with such unimaginable tragedy two years ago, they now had reason to smile again.  A dream of theirs had now come true; the dream of creating a Global Symposium working towards finding a cure.

At the age of two, little Elliot Parish was diagnosed with medulloblastoma and given just a 30 per cent chance of survival.  Brave Elliot fought hard, but at the age of four and after a long battle, he passed away in the loving arms of his parents.

It was during Elliot's battle that his father Rick Parish, a former SAS soldier, declared war on his son's killer - childhood cancer.    Realising that far too little was known about his son's condition and with so much equipment desperately needed, the Telethon Adventurers was created and began raising funds.  Rick vowed not to stop until he found a cure.  

Millions have been raised through his and the others efforts and with the Global Symposium now underway, the very first event of it's kind and fully funded by the Telethon Adventurers, this is one family who's unity, strength and vision is going to make an incredible difference in this world.

After last night's Reception, I came home to my own two precious children, and kissed them goodnight before sitting on the couch and allowing myself a good cry.  It's so hard to find the right words to say, the right thing to do, but with the creation of this global platform, anyone can get involved and join the fight.  You can either volunteer as an Adventurer or support one by making a donation online.

Medulloblastoma often strikes without warning and without discriminating, in 2013 to know so little about this disease is simply, as Rick put it, 'unacceptable'.

In a world with so much heartbreak and tragedy, it's comforting to also see it as a world full of love and hope.  The Telethon Adventurers is an incredible example of the difference that you can make if you simply ask yourself: "What can you do?".

My husband is proud to be an Ambassador for this project and will be taking on an Adventurers Challenge later this year to help raise funds.  I too support this project and the people behind it 100%.

Life is a gift.  And this is one child and one life, who thanks to the love and dedication of his parents, will never be forgotten.

For more information visit:

Telethon Adventurers www.theadventurers.com.au

Phil Britten www.philbritten.com

Proximity Is Power - By Phil Britten

A key aspect to achieving fulfillment is to have people around you to share journey with.  Throughout life you’ll establish many networks and relationships; with work colleagues, friends & family but it’s my belief that the most important relationship you’ll ever have is that of an intimate relationship with a wife, husband or partner.

Imagine achieving your biggest goals and your wildest dreams and then not having anyone to share that feeling with.  It’d be a very lonely place.  It’s the personal connections and emotions that come from intimate relationships that can pick you up when you’re down, encourage you to go that little bit further and give you something to live for when all else may seem lost.  It’s these same connections that allow you to be true to yourself and have the courage to create the life you want.

I believe you’re in one of two categories in life; you’re either already in relationship or your looking to be in one. There would only be a small population of the world that actually does not want to be in a relationship and share their life with someone.  And I say to that - their time will come where an emotional connection hits them or they meet “THE ONE.”

Successful relationships require nurturing and effort from both parties.  Some of you may have heard before that “anything that doesn’t grow dies”, and “anything that fails to contribute is eliminated”. These concepts are key in creating those extraordinary relationships; both participants need to be continually growing and contributing to themselves and each other.

So where does this all leave you? 

If you’re in a relationship then you must be able to communicate effectively.  If each partner is looking out for and prioritizing the other’s needs, both people in that relationship will feel respected, valued and loved.

1.     Start with some positive reconnecting; share some of the things you love about each other by writing them down and discussing them.

2.     Find out what your partner wants from you to be happy and fulfilled.

3.     Find out what you want from your partner to happy and fulfilled.

4.     Now work out how you can give each other what you need.

It’s really that easy. Do this together as a project and you’ll find if you’re both working together to meet the other’s needs then you’re on your way to achieving real fulfillment in life.  Remember clear communication and compromise will be very important for this to be successful.  And make this a habit for life; once will not be enough.  My wife and I have small chats throughout the year and do one large annual ‘relationship review’.  It can be whatever works for you.  You may find that in times of change (such as a new baby or new career) as well as times of stress (such as illness or unemployment) that the frequency you need to check-in with each other increases.

For those that are not in a marriage or intimate partnership, then it’s the people you surround yourself with that will be fundamental in leading a fulfilled life. Family, friends and work colleagues all play a huge part in this.  Remember there are people in this world that can very easily drag you down and then there are others that will strive to lift you up. Find out what it really is that you want from life and where you want to be, surround yourself with those like-minded people and you’ll quickly find yourself taking steps towards really living out your goals and dreams.

Quote of the day

"Whether you think you can or you think you can't either way you are right" ~ Henry Ford

I really sum this quote up by saying, “What you focus on you get”.

If you focus on negative thoughts, bad decisions and things you can’t change, then that’s all that will surround you. The one thing you can control is the way you choose to view things and how you deal with them. If you focus on the things that give you the most joy out of life, then you can’t go wrong.

Practical Support For New Mummies

A new baby is on the way!!!  No, not for me, we're a long way off that at the moment and very content with our two gorgeous boys.  But there is a newborn on the horizon nonetheless; my best girlfriend is about to welcome a little baby daughter in just a few short weeks.

For someone who's already a parent, it's often a time of wanting to pay it forward and return some of the support that we no doubt received with our own children.   A lot of time, that giving back can involve practical and not-so-practical baby gifts, loads of advice (in many cases whether the mum-to-be wants it or not) and half a dozen offers of support.

"Let me know if you need anything!" and "Don't be shy, just call me" are two of the most common well-meaning phrases that can be thrown around.

However practical this may feel at the time, what a new mum really needs is for you to take action.  She'll often be too exhausted and overwhelmed to actually ask for help so the best thing you can do is step in and do something before she needs to ask.  And then back away.  This is a special time for her and an exhausting one, so whatever help you do provide, do it without any expectations of social visit.  There'll be plenty of time to catch up once things have settled down.

Before Baby Arrives:

• Gather up and drop off some menus from her local healthy takeaway stores.  They'll always come in handy.
• Bookmark some of the best internet destinations for motherhood on her browser.  Some great sites that I love include Ngala, Babycentre and Aha Parenting!

After Baby:

• Cook her a nutritious meal that can also be frozen and drop it off.  Don't stay, just hand it to her with a smile and leave her to get some rest.
• Call or text her occasionally when you're at the grocery store to ask if she needs anything.
• Pop on a load of washing when you visit.  And bring in/fold any washing that's dry before you leave.
• Let her know what day you run your errands.  Tell her you'll pop past to pick up a list and any drycleaning, prescriptions or mail that needs attention and simply merge her jobs with yours during those early weeks.
• Bring her a basket of yummy nutritious snack foods.  Yoghurts, dried and fresh fruits, wholegrain crackers, cheese and any other healthy favourites you can think of.
• Offer to take out her older children (if she has them).  This way, she can enjoy some one-to-one time with her new baby or get some much needed rest.
• Drop off and return a movie you know she'll enjoy.  There's a lot of time spent feeding and waiting for baby to wake in those early weeks; in-house entertainment is a must!
• Nurture her.  Give her a hug, run her a bath and look after the baby while she has a nap.  
• Offer to take her to her six week checkup.  This can be an overwhelming and seemingly monumental task if she has to go alone.  She may well appreciate the support.

On Top Of These Ideas, Don't Forget:

• Babies need stuff and a lot of it.  A couple of thoughtful and practical baby gifts will always be welcome.  These may be items that you loved or something that you feel will be perfect for this new mummy.  My favourites are a 'NoseFrida - the snot sucker' and a packet of 'Rite-Aid Hydrogel Breast Discs'.  Tuck those up with a couple of cute onesies or baby toys and you've got practical and sentimental rolled into one basket.
• A gift for the mum-to-be so that she can be pampered or a little bit spoilt.  Think 'mummy-massage' gift vouchers, a gorgeous body lotion or simply a bunch of flowers.

Keep any unsolicited advice uplifting and non-specific.  Her baby and motherhood experience may be completely different to yours.  

Motherhood is a team sport, no-one ever need do it alone.  And in fact, those that do may suffer undue hardship when their focus should on resting and getting to know their newborn baby.  Remind her gently to relax and accept the love and support from other women around her, even if she feels uncomfortable at first.  This is her time to receive and be self indulgent.  Everything aside from her and her baby can wait.

All Kids Are Individuals, Whether We Like It Or Not

My son had his 3rd birthday on the weekend; we hosted a ‘fire truck’ party which was something he’d talked about for weeks, months even. 

It started off well enough.  He flew into our room at the crack of dawn full of anticipation.  And just like I’d envisioned in the days leading up to the party, he kept to the ‘plan’ by playing nicely with his friends and loved opening all his gifts.

Before we knew it, it was time for the main event and we heard the fire truck’s siren announcing it's arrival. He leapt up and flew to the window yelling: “The fire trucks here, it’s here!”  And... that’s when it all fell apart.

Realising all eyes were now firmly placed on him, the all important party boy, he got halfway to the front yard and then simply refused to go any further.  Instead of the way I'd envisioned it, with him racing out there excitedly to participate in games and ride around the neighborhood, he told me matter-of-factly that he was tired, and wanted to go to bed.

Now, I didn’t exactly get taken by surprise.  He’s never enjoyed being the centre of attention in a large group situation. Sure, with a small crowd of close family or friends he loves it, but in larger groups he’d rather be anywhere else, doing anything else.  Probably even potty training and you’ll know how much he’s cooperating with that from last week’s post.

I shrugged it off but not so everyone else.  Instead of respecting the fact that this was all too overwhelming for him, many of our other adult guests, God bless them, tried to help him overcome his fear but instead ended up virtually ‘hunting him’ around the house as he tried to escape.  I did my best to keep it lighthearted and casually reminded everyone that the fire truck was here for the whole party.   If he wasn’t ready to participate in the games or go for a ride, then I was happy to respect that.

Some were willing to understand and accepted that he was an individual feeling a bit overwhelmed.  Others thought ‘No, this is his party and he’ll love it eventually’ trying to do everything in their power to coax him outside.  

I had absolutely no issue with him missing out.  I know him well enough to know that he’s a confident, balanced little boy 90% of the time, what I really struggled with was everyone else passing judgement ("Oh shame!  What’s wrong with him?"  Etc) and not respecting his boundaries.

Every child is unique and an individual.  This applies to their personalities, their likes and dislikes and reactions.  There’s no rule book and so long as a particular ‘quirk’ or deviation from the norm isn’t affecting a child negatively or impacting on their overall development, there’s no cause for concern.

To reaffirm my stance and seek a bit of advice, I did, however, call the Parenting Helpline later that day.  They gave me some practical and sound advice to keep communicating with him about his emotions and help him better identify and articulate his feelings.

Every child has a right to feel safe.  If there’s something they’re afraid of, we as parents, need to respect that fear as real (even if we know there is no cause for it) while continuing to model confident behaviour.  Essentially, leading by example and providing a safe base for them to explore the world from is what will help them grow in confidence.  Shaming them, even innocently, by commenting that there's something wrong with them and forcing them to face their fear or overcome it in a pressure situation is not going to help.  It often not only makes that individual situation worse, but could backfire further still and do some serious damage to their sense of security and how they handle future situations.

Luckily, kids are highly resilient and adaptable (thank God because I lost my copy of the ‘perfect parent’ manual) and if we make mistakes, as long as we’re considerate and conscious parents, there’s little chance of serious harm being done to a child by not always having a textbook reaction. 

We often have pre-determined visions for our children, where they'll bound happily off to play with others, make friends with everyone, confidently try out as many new experiences as they can, all while loving every minute of it.  But in reality, they’re individual little people who are only just learning about the big world around them.  It’s our job to support that learning journey, even more so when they react in a way that’s different to what you’re expecting. 

So yesterday’s little deviation from ‘the plan’, reminded me just how special and individual my little man is and how blessed I am to have someone who, even at such a young age, is able to open my eyes on a daily basis.

He had a wonderful party and didn’t mind one bit missing out on the main event.  He went to bed chattering about fire truck cupcakes, playing with his friends and thanked me for a great day.

In my mind, it was still a huge success.

Happy parenting!

Parenting WA Line

The Parenting WA Line is a telephone information and support service on parenting that is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week on (08) 6279 1200 or 1800 654 432.

The Amazing (Potty) Race

We all know it - competition and parenting go hand in hand.  Mums everywhere are lining up, eyeing off their fellow opponents, and then beginning an exhausting sprint all the way down to some imaginary finish line. 

Round one of these ‘Mummy Comps’ usually starts in pregnancy.  One woman’s belly is always so much smaller/bigger/rounder/flatter/further out front/out back than her counterpart’s.  And then comes the birth – caesarean, epidural, natural birth, home birth… Judges please take your seats.

By the time we get to the third round, the intensive ‘Post-baby’ bikini battle, everyone is well and truly fair game and the competition heats up quickly.   At this point, our babies are still often not doing much other than sleeping and feeding around the clock.

But once they do start to wake and play, our competitive focus shifts to them and the race begins in earnest.  Little Johnny might not start walking until much later than all the others, his anxious mother glances around and makes excuses as to why he’s ‘taking his time’.  Then little Susie may not talk as much as everyone else is and once again, nervous tension arises as her mum is forced to defend her ‘lack of progress’. 

What many forget (probably because we’re so busy and caught up in benchmarking) is how wide the range of normal is for everything parenting related. How each pregnancy, birth, mother and baby are unique. 

During our kid’s first years, this competition is always on somewhere in the background, whether we choose to participate or not.  And by the time they reach two, it tends to hit fever pitch.

One of the biggest toddler races, and stresses for those parents whose kids don’t finish up with a ribbon, is potty training.   In fact, I’m right in the middle of this race and we are (according to some), coming maybe, oh about, dead last?

As my firstborn approached the expected starting age of two, he exhibited some signs of being ready.  So that summer, we began stretching, working out our game plan and at the first hint of sunshine we were off and training!  We bought our potty, toilet seat, toilet step, started reading books about toileting, marking off ‘readiness’ checklists and prepared ourselves to begin.

Well... that was now over a year ago.  And in that time, I can’t begin to tell you how many accidents we’ve battled through a day.  Actually, I can’t call them accidents, it’s far too clean sounding.  Disasters would be the right word.  And on some days, they felt as if they’d rival the clean up efforts of a national oil spill disaster.

We rang helplines, encouraged, educated, explained, pleaded and even bribed but it just wasn’t working.  Not that he didn’t sometimes go in the toilet, it’s just that more often than not, 80% of the day, he’d go in the wrong place, at the wrong time.  The rug, couch, his bed, our bed, dog’s bed, baby’s bed, kitchen floor… you name it, we’ve cleaned it.

It was exhausting and embarrassing.  Especially as we watched everyone else overtake us in the potty race; even those who began months after us have since collected their trophies.  And all the while, we’re still being sent back by the umpire - false start after false start. 

It wasn’t until I realised that it doesn’t matter that we’d checked all the boxes, the very first condition to even make us eligible to enter was a willing participant.  And he clearly was indicating to us that he was not.  Even though he seemed 90% of the time to want to go to the potty, instead it was in actual fact, an innocent willingness rather, to please his Mummy & Daddy. 

My heart broke recently when at the shops he painfully stubbed his toe (ouch) and while I was comforting him, he also accidentally wet his pants.  The worst part was that while he’d held it together for the injury part, he became hysterical screaming out ‘oh no!’ when he realised in horror that he’d wet himself.  It was then I realised how much pressure we must have been putting on him and decided to immediately back off.

He’s a 3-year-old back in nappies, however I no longer care.  Screw the trophy, I’ve pulled my son out of the potty race, reminded myself again that he’s an individual and decided to just let him take it at his own pace.

Lo and behold, he’s since started to relax and once again, occasionally going to the toilet by himself.  The difference now is that when he doesn’t make it, it’s not going all over our floor/furniture/bedding.  And he’s not picking up on my stress.

I take comfort in the fact that I’ve never seen a parent pack her child’s high school bag, complete with a day’s worth of diapers.

So what’s our plan?  Simple really:

•  Talking to him about going to the toilet/potty and having an open door policy.  Some may find this uncomfortable but imitating behaviour is a significant foundation for every developmental milestone.  This one is no different.

• Asking him occasionally if he’d like to go.

• Any clean ups are done in the toilet and any solids are dumped into the toilet This keeps a connection between his bodily functions and expected behaviour.

• Celebrating every effort – from a simple acknowledgement to doing the full on ‘wee-wee’ dance around the house, we make sure that he knows that going to the toilet is something to be proud of.

• Taking any pressure off him and allowing him to take this at his own pace.  Treating it the same as every other developmental milestone.

But before you decide to follow a child-led approach or stick with a more dedicated training effort, you still need to be familiar with the signs of readiness.  These signs may include:

• Walking and becoming more independent.

• Interested in watching others use the toilet.

• Can stay dry for up to two hours – this indicates that bladder control is being established.

• Tells you when they need to wee or poo.

• Is able to understand and follow simple instructions.

• Dislikes wearing a nappy – perhaps tries to take it off when soiled or wet.

• Has regular bowel motions.

• Can pull his/her pants up and down.

Basically, if your child isn’t ready, there really is nothing you can do about it.  If you’ve ruled out any underlying physical or medical reason why your child isn’t progressing, perhaps you and he just need to relax, take a step back and start over when he’s willing.

Saying that, many children are ready a lot earlier than what we're experiencing.  The time a child is generally able to start potty training is around 18 months onwards.  The average is 18 months to 3 years.

But always, always remember that the most important secret to a successful and positive transition from nappies to the potty is a willing and confident child. 

No parent is ever going to be perfect.  And children don’t need perfect parents; they need willing ones.  Those who have loving, connected relationships are resilient and lucky for me, very adept at highlighting quickly with their own actions if we’ve gone off track. 

Enjoy your week!

2013 - Let's Get It Started!

How many of us can say that we truly are living life to the fullest?  That we're really (and let's be totally honest here) achieving exactly what we want in life?

Unfortunately not enough of us.  Of course, there are the blessed few who are ‘richer, more beautiful, better talented or just luckier’ than we are.  But when you step back and are really honest with yourself, you’ll realize that these ‘reasons’ are actually just excuses.  And not very good ones.

These excuses are often trotted out to explain why we aren’t happy, why our lives aren’t perfect and why we’re not in our dream job or why our dreams and goals have never seemed to eventuate.

Could the real reason, in fact, be that we often are our own worst enemies?  That we love to be critics, especially of ourselves?  Throw in the added guilty pleasure of it being far too easy to blame others when things don’t go our way and a dash of ‘comfort zone’ anxiety and you have a perfect recipe for a life that’s full of regrets in the best case scenario and at the very worst, a life disaster. 

How many people would look back down after their time is up and say ‘Phew, thank God I got through that life and survived!’  Not many… and not just because of the obvious fact that well, they clearly didn’t survive (not nice I know, but realistically it’s kind of inevitable for all of us), but because of the fact that we only get one shot at it. And sadly far too many of us aren’t living our lives to the fullest.

There’s no rehearsal, no second chance.  This is it ladies and gentlemen. The only opportunity you get to have a life which hopefully not only sees you fulfilled during your time here, but one that leaves behind a lasting legacy that you would be proud of.   And I’m not necessarily talking a Steve Jobs kind of legacy here (though some will no doubt do that), I’m talking about a legacy that can be as simple as having been a positive influence on the lives of your loved ones.  And I for one, think that this type of legacy will end up being far more valuable.

So what holds us back from living our lives to the fullest?  Fear?  Complacency perhaps or a sense of inadequacy?  Perhaps subconsciously believing that we don’t quite deserve the very best in life?  Or is it that we’re too often disappointed by our efforts?

Ok, now we’ve had a dose of reality, it’s time to take the first step forward which is quite simply working out what will make us truly happy in life.  Strip back the superficial happiness first and start with the basics.  Sure, add some financial, and lifestyle dreams on top but without a firm foundation of real happiness in the form of good health and quality relationships, you’ll no doubt find that when tough times hit, things will quickly come tumbling down.

And what better time to refocus and reenergize our lives than at the start of a new year?

Don’t go through life any longer wishing it would all come together.  Visualise it, believe it and then put yourself out there to start making it happen.

If you can believe, you may just surprise yourself with what you can achieve.

My resolution is to get started on my dream of helping others go through life thriving instead of just surviving.  And so welcome to Mamma Suture where I'll be writing about my two passions: motivation and parenting.

A practical parenting blog that aims to nurture a mother’s own life journey as well as her child’s.  To be a great parent, you have to be someone that your kids can look up to.  And what better role model could your kids have than a happy, fulfilled, positive one?

Welcome and thank you for visiting!  Happy New Year!